Habit Cultivation

Today I Finished!

/ Bethany / 3 Comments

Some days, just finishing what you set out to do feels like a victory.  Today was one of those days when, early in my training session, I wasn’t sure whether my body would cooperate. On Thursday, my body flat out didn’t seem to want to do cleans. Technique wasn’t happening. My left elbow was screaming at me and I was getting easily distracted and frustrated. I couldn’t seem to focus with my kid whining and screaming and I just got angry and then didn’t seem to recover from that, mentally. I skipped to front squats and then called it a day.

Since I was nervous following Thursday’s bad day and feeling unsure of my clean technique, I watched some technique videos as a refresher before I left for Barbell Club. Olympic weightlifting is so complex. You can work your technique for years. Every time you watch a video, you find a different aspect of your technique to focus on. This morning I went back to basics. I watched this video and determined I needed to really focus today on catching the bar in the rack position. This would protect my elbows and wrists. I also knew I needed to focus on my speed in dropping under the bar. So, I decided to work on all my lifts from the hang position. One of the reasons I have some trouble with dropping under the bar (aside from just being new to weightlifting) is that my pulling strength off the floor is very good relative to my speed under the bar and catching the bar in the correct positions…..which are not (yet) so good. So, when I pull the bar off the floor, I pull it so high that I have to catch it in the power position or even standing, because I don’t get under it fast enough before it flies over my head. Starting from the hang position would eliminate some of that momentum and give me time to practice dropping under the bar and catching it lower. (By the way, I’m not a coach, obviously. So before you take me too seriously, read the fine print.).

Yesterday I had undereaten during the day, overeaten at night, gone to bed late, didn’t sleep well, and was woken up early this morning by my Rooster Toddler. There was no fruit left in my house so my breakfast was heavier than I would have liked it to be before training. My left arm felt tight and sore all the way through – shoulder, elbow and forearm. So, earlier in my training today my body felt like garbage. I sat down to recover after every set. At one point I felt a bit nauseous (breakfast too heavy) and I was just hoping I’d get through it without vomiting. I remembered what my coach had said on Thursday though, that it wasn’t always going to feel great. And I remembered when back in my marathon days (10 years ago!) that there were some training runs when you just wanted it to be over as soon as possible. I told myself that was okay. Even if I love what I’m doing, not every day has to feel great.

I am glad I was able to stick it out today. Working out at Barbell Club without a screaming toddler underfoot made a big difference in my focus. I worked all my lifts from the hang position and focused on shrugging under the bar and catching it in a good front rack position and I was mostly successful. The practice was really helpful, even though my body didn’t feel great. I was able to do all the lifts at the weights prescribed in my program. And once I got towards the end of my clean and jerks, I knew I wasn’t going to throw up and I started to feel better. I did all my back squats and presses. I got through it and was happy to have finished because it was productive training for me. I felt better at the end than I did at the beginning. So, I felt victorious, even though it wasn’t my best day or a PR. I finished what I started, I didn’t get discouraged, and I used the opportunity to pattern good technique.

I was definitely ready for an afternoon nap, and even though Rooster Toddler didn’t take one, I enjoyed mine!

 

Just What I Needed

/ Bethany / Leave a comment

Yesterday was a much better day than Thursday. I woke up feeling emotionally drained from the week and I decided to spend the day in a way that would renew and refresh me. It was my day off from work, and I wanted to have a relaxed day with my kiddo.

Last year, after an emotionally draining week, I’m sure all I would have had the energy to do was sit and watch movies with my kid. We both would have been bored and cranky by the end of the day.

However, yesterday I decided to get us out of the house first thing in the morning, before it got too hot. We would go for a walk on a trail in the woods. Then possibly hit the library on the way home for some books and movies. Then have lunch and a nap, and then I would put on movies in the afternoon while I sorted through and discarded paperwork in my house.

The day went even better than I had planned. I never even put on the movies for my kiddo. He played happily for hours while I sorted through the paperwork in the afternoon. And, for the first week since I set the goal of adding more walking to my week, I actually got three walks in.

When my husband got home, I went food shopping by myself.  Kiddo didn’t fall asleep until 10:30, but it was worth it.

Just what I needed.

 

Feeding the Wolves

/ Bethany / 6 Comments

This blog is mostly about positivity, but I know that in order to be credible I also need to be real. So I am being honest today. I am having a challenging week. My patience with my kid is challenging. My marriage is challenging. The weights feel heavy and my body is fighting me on my technique with the lifts. My mind is full of self doubt and judgment. I want to run away from my family sometimes. Even though I passionately believe in loving oneself as is, I am frustrated with the size of my belly and have a hard time diverting my attention away from that this week.

I was on the fence of whether I even wanted to share that last sentence here. I want to put forth a message of positivity in the world. Do I “be real” and share the bad along with the good? Or do I subscribe to “the one you feed”?

A Parable

An old grandfather told his grandson: “My son, there is a battle between two wolves inside us all. One is evil. It is anger, jealousy, greed, and resentment. The other is good. It is joy, love, hope, humility, kindness, empathy, and bravery.”

The boy thought about it, and asked, “Grandfather, which wolf wins?”

The old man quietly replied, “the one you feed.”

So, I’m sharing my internal struggles today, but I’m choosing not to delve into them in detail. I want to feed the good wolf.

Hoping a good night’s sleep will feed the good wolf too.

Training Modification

/ Bethany / 1 Comment

This morning I modified my training plan based on my body’s feedback. I am experimenting with adding a fourth day back in – to work mostly on overhead work, like jerks and presses. Today my training plan had power cleans, power jerks and push presses. I woke up with my left knee feeling….off. Not injured, just a little tender. And I knew my legs were not recovered enough from yesterday to protect the knee well during power cleans. Knowing that I have full cleans and front squats tomorrow, I figured I could best care for myself by skipping the power cleans today for some extra recovery time.

A walk sounded good, so I took a walk around the block instead, before doing my overhead work. The push presses definitely got heavy. I need to add this work back in so I can build confidence on the clean and jerk.

Feeling proud that I listened to my knee to determine what would serve me best this morning, and the rest of the week. Take that, fitspo! (For a good laugh, check this out).

Trail Walk Detour

/ Bethany / 2 Comments

My new walking habit hasn’t exactly gotten off to a running start. Since setting a goal on July 6 to go for a walk 75 times by the end of the year, I’ve gone for a walk exactly 3 times. I have been sick for 3 weekends out of this month, which put a damper on this habit.

Now that I’m feeling better, I’m feeling like my body really wants me to start working on this habit. I can only weightlift 3 or 4 times per week, because if I lift any more than that, I start getting into poor recovery, overtraining and fatigue. But I’m definitely feeling awfully slow and sedentary for some of the other days. Today, even though it was approximately 150 degrees outside and muggy, I took a detour on the way home from work and parked a a local woodsy trail. I walked for about 40 minutes on the trail before going to pick up my kiddo. Definitely worth the detour! I enjoyed it.

100 Strength Workouts! and Joy Sparked

/ Bethany / 1 Comment

Today I did my 100th strength workout of the year! My goal for the year is 150 so I’m well on my way and may even reach the goal early! I’m very happy with this. Habits work!

This week was a deload week. That means lighter weights and lower volume. At barbell club today, I learned some new drills to help me pattern dropping under the bar quickly in the snatch. Then I did my workout, focusing on dropping under the bar. I think I made a lot of progress and I felt happy with it! My speed under the bar for cleans can use work too, but that will be for another day.

Today I started discarding and organizing my clothes using the KonMari method. I am excited to start (and also a little nervous, overwhelmed, and skeptical, but as they say, “nothing ventured, nothing gained!”). I had heard good things about this method from friends, so I requested the book from the library months ago. There was quite a line for the book and I finally got my turn to check it out and read it last week. Before I read it, I had heard that the main criteria used in the method to decide whether to keep an item is whether it “sparks joy” in you. Well, my weightlifting equipment definitely sparks joy in me, and now that I understand what that feeling is, I think downsizing stuff in my home will be a lot easier! I can’t say enough good things about picking a sport you really like, rather than just “exercising.”

Also in the category of self care, I asked my husband to take my kiddo out this weekend so I could have some introvert time. I wish I could have more. I need a mom vacation.

Happy Saturday and thanks for reading!

Deload week: not every week is a PR week

/ Bethany / Leave a comment

I was really proud of the PRs I set last weekend. Now it’s time for a deload week.

Perfect timing too. I was sick. I had some muscle cramps, including the diaphragm muscles, which made me feel short of breath for a bit. Like I felt when I was extremely pregnant. Luckily, I had a great doctor do some manipulation and she didn’t even tell me to stop lifting!

This morning I got a late start to lifting. I didn’t sleep well and had a hard time getting out of bed. Then kiddo wanted to nurse.

I finally got some chalk. I had been putting it off because I don’t like the feel of touching chalk. But I have to admit it was way easier to lift the bar with chalked up hands!

Reasons my toddler is crying: I won’t let him use all my chalk to draw on the sidewalk. Today is the day my husband is home from work and so I sent them out on a walk to buy some sidewalk chalk.

Life on the porch gym is pretty uneventful this week. Not every week is going to be awesome. Just par for the course when doing anything with consistency! Some weeks you make a lot of progress. Other weeks are just about maintaining the habits. Those weeks are less exciting, but just as important.

Taking the Stress Out of Training

/ Bethany / 1 Comment

This post will probably be a short one. It’s really simple.

Since I have been going strong with a training program and some healthy habits for more than 6 months now, some of my friends have started to notice and ask me questions. Most of the questions are variations of “how do you do it? How do you fit it in? How do you find time to work out with a toddler and a job?”

I’ve already posted a bunch of thoughts on this here. However, this topic is one that I thought merited special attention as it’s own post, because I don’t see it discussed a lot.

If your program is stressing you out, look for a simple change that will take the stress away.

I will give two examples of how I have done this.

  1. Change the day/time: I was following an online training program that had training days on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Saturday. On Monday and Wednesday, the mornings felt really full, since I also had to get my kiddo ready to go to the babysitter and get myself ready to go to work in between sets. Things felt kinda hectic….until I realized that nobody was making me start on Monday! If I started the program on a Thursday instead, I could train Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and Tuesday….and never have to fit training in on the same day my kiddo goes to the sitter and I go to work. Same training program, but one simple switch made it fit into my life with more ease. More ease = more sustainable = more likely to stick.
  2. Move the equipment: I was skimping on my abdominal work, which I knew I should do, because (get this) – my yoga mat was upstairs in my bedroom and not where I keep the rest of my equipment. Really. All I had to do was bring the yoga mat downstairs, but it took me two weeks to actually do it. Now that it is actually there with the rest of my equipment, it’s easy to fit in my abdominal work at the end of my training. Now, I’m sure most people are not as lazy as I am and would just grab the damn yoga mat. However, there may be a way you can use this tip to your advantage. For example, do you own some weights, but rarely use them because they are down in the basement? Try moving them to your porch or garage where you keep your children’s outdoor toys. Then you can use them while you are supervising your kids playing outside, because they are actually accessible to you at a time when you are relatively free. Whereas, with leaving them in a separate room….well, some of us never seem to escape our kids!

Taking the stress out of your program will make it sustainable and enjoyable, and therefore you will be more likely to fit it into your life. We shouldn’t be stressing ourselves for the sake of fitness…..stress can take a big toll on our health, too!

Have you found a simple change helped take the stress out of your program? I’d love to hear about it in the comments!

Inertia, and a New Habit for my Introverted Self

/ Bethany / 6 Comments

I added a new habit to my healthy habits goals list for 2015: go for a walk at least 75 times between now and the end of the year.

I have become more introverted since having a kid, and especially since going back to work. Between my toddler and my job, I need a lot of introvert time. I still feel overloaded on human interaction a lot. So I tend to just stay in the house a lot, whenever I get time to myself.

That’s all well and fine…..but sometimes I feel like I’m wasting my life sitting in my house a lot. And I just know that getting fresh air, sunshine, and movement other than weightlifting will probably be a positive contribution to my wellbeing.

75 feels like a doable number between now and the end of the year. It’s roughly three times per week. That doesn’t sound like a lot, but it’s more than I am currently doing, between work and weightlifting and all the other responsibilities where it is more convenient to drive the car. In fact, even though it is a totally doable number, I am already thinking of reasons why it might get difficult. Like weather.

I decided not to put any mileage or time minimums on this goal. Any walk I do deliberately counts (obviously I am not counting incidental walking through parking lots and grocery stores). Today I walked less than a mile, but it took a long time because my toddler was walking himself. Whatever. I get a gold star for deliberately leaving my house and taking a walk instead of driving to the bank.Just another example of cultivating towards health supportive habits.

Motivation: I’m not sure why I’m doing this

/ Bethany / 6 Comments

In the health and fitness world, I see a lot of trainers/gurus/athletes/TV personalities saying something along the lines of “you need to tap into your ‘why.’ Your journey will suck sometimes, so you need to have a strong enough reason to keep going.” Right? We’ve all heard it. The other day, I saw this question pop up in my newsfeed. I felt somewhat…perturbed. I didn’t know how to anwer the question. I’ve been working solidly on getting stronger for the past 6 months, and I’m loving it, but if you asked me “why,” I couldn’t tell you.

This morning I thought about this again while I was lifting. What is my “why?” (I didn’t even say it out loud. And as soon as I jotted down a note to write about it later, my kid said “do you know why you are doing that, Mama?” Damn. Kids can be so creepy sometimes.)

Here’s the thing…..all my life, I have done a lot of things with the underlying motivation of becoming thin/conventionally fit looking. I always told myself at the time it was to be healthier, but deep down, if I knew there was NO possibility of my body shrinking, I probably would not have done some of the things I did. Then, earlier this year, I learned about Health at Every Size and the research that shows that, for 95% of the population, weight loss attempts lead to gaining all the weight back (and then some, in many cases), within 5 years. I realized that this is consistent with my experience – every weight loss attempt I have ever made resulted in a net weight gain, by the time the 5 year mark was up. And that puts me in good company with the rest of the dieting/health seeking population. (By the way, I am by NO means enough of an expert on this topic to write about it just yet. If you are interested in learning more about this, read Linda Bacon’s book) And for some reason, it all suddenly clicked with me that I couldn’t keep doing that. I couldn’t keep trying and failing to change my body size and be smaller, and then feeling badly about myself, and putting more important things on hold while I put all my focus into something that was statistically almost certain to fail. I had denied myself so many experiences, telling myself I would do it once I was thinner. I couldn’t let my son grow up thinking that was normal behavior. I grew up in a household where that behavior was glorified, and it really shaped my entire self perception. It may be common in our culture, but it is f*cked up, and I would not let my son think it was healthy behavior, nor would I perpetuate the normalcy of this behavior anymore.

I went through a period of sadness after reading Linda Bacon’s book. I had wasted so much time and money chasing a dream of being thinner, because I thought it would make me happy. And here I was, with the deep realization that it was probably NOT going to happen. Sometimes I still feel sad and wish I had done more of the things I would have liked to do, like study abroad or go to the beach and feel comfortable in a bathing suit. What if I had not focused on my size at all? What else could I have accomplished instead that would have actually contributed to something in this world? So anyway, here I am……and my primary reason for doing so many things all my life is just…..gone. Not gonna happen.

So….I have no idea why I am doing some things that people call “healthy.” On “reality” television, contestants often give reasons like “I want to live longer for my kids.” “Disease runs in my family and I want to avoid it.” “I want to set a good example for my kids.” Honestly, those reasons sound good and all, but they are not really an underlying motivation for me. They’d certainly be welcome side effects if they happened, though.

Here is what I do know: I know I love feeling strong. I love the way my body feels when I lift heavy things. I still struggle with liking the way my body looks. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t. Deep down, I think I still really don’t. I can name things I wish to change about my body. I sometimes look in the mirror and don’t like what I see. However…..that glance in the mirror is a very short part of my day, and when I lift well and rest well, I like the way my body FEELS, even when I’m unhappy with the way I look. I hope that I learn to like the way my body looks more. But in the meantime, I can like the way I feel, and appreciate my body in that sense, if not with my eyes. The feeling of strength gives me confidence that allows me to relate to the world better than I used to, even though I still don’t like the way my body LOOKS sometimes. It is helping me overcome and “feel the fear and do it anyway.” I don’t know if that’s going to be a deep enough motivation to keep me going when things get hard. So far it has. But it’s only been 6 months. However……it’s a habit that I LOVE doing. I look forward to lifting. I feel sad on rest days because I just love it.

So, maybe I don’t need a “why.” Maybe I just need enjoyable, sustainable habits that work for ME. I guess if you are doing something you hate (burpees. jumping jacks.), then maybe you do need a “why.” Right now, I’m just not doing that stuff. I’m focusing on the stuff that I love so much that I can easily sustain, even without knowing WHY I am doing it. I’ll be curious to see how my “why” evolves as time progresses. Thanks for reading!