Author: Bethany

What’s in My Home Gym (Complete with Non-Instagram-Worthy Photos)

/ Bethany

I am asked somewhat often about the gym equipment I have at home. I thought I’d do a quick post, with some unedited, un-posed photos. Because we were all up late at a seder last night, and I couldn’t be bothered to make them look nice.

A 15kg barbell. Commonly known as “the women’s bar” in Olympic weightlifting and CrossFit.

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The white thing next to it is a PVC pipe from Home Depot. My three year old calls it the “ABC pipe.” Used for movement patterning and mobility work. Some people use a broomstick for the same stuff.

Various bumper plates (5kg, 10kg, 15kg, 20kg, 25kg), change plates (.5kg, 1.25kg, 2.5kg, 5kg) and fractional plates (.25kg, .5kg, .75kg, 1kg) to load onto the barbell, and collars to hold them in place.

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A heavy rubber honeycomb mat that stays put and doesn’t slip, and protects my floor. (Note to self: needs washing). Fun fact – the mat itself weighs around 100 lbs. It’s not going anywhere.

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A squat rack that is in two pieces so I can shove it into a corner when it’s not in use.

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A flat bench.

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Chalk. Which I hate the texture of, but my kid loves it and I occasionally catch him playing in it.

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A foam roller and lacrosse balls for recovery work.

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A 20lb kettlebell which I have not used in a while.

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A yoga mat which is mostly used by my kid. Pretty sure a cat barfed on it and it needs washing. (The knife is wooden and it belongs in my kid’s toy kitchen).

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Assistance bands (two different weights). These live in my backpack or in my car. I use them when I go to the park to hang from bars to improve grip strength and shoulder mobility. And maybe one day I might do assisted pull ups with them.

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A doorway pull up bar and a pair of gymnastics rings. I used to do ring rows with these and I haven’t used it in a while. I hesitate to hang from it using bands because I weigh more than the weight limit, but if I do ring rows, my feet are on the floor taking some of the weight.

Sometimes I hang it up and let my kid play on it. He likes to grab the rings and swing.

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My kid’s toy barbell. He got it for his birthday. There was a picture of someone setting up a snatch on the box. I asked my kid “what do you think is inside?” He answered “some guy weightlifting?”

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And there you have it! What’s in my home gym. If you are looking for suggestions for setting up yours, I collected some other links here.

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My Habit Practice Has Become a Toddler

/ Bethany / 1 Comment

If you have been following this blog, you know that I’ve been on a healthy habits path for a little while. In fact, one of the main reasons I started blogging was because I was doing something very different with regards to health from what most of my friends were doing, and different from what I had done my entire life. And friends started telling me “this is really interesting. You need to blog about this.”

So after a few months of hesitation, I started doing just that. I wrote about why I adopted a habits practice in the first place, and what I was doing. People asked me “how did you decide what goals to set? How do you decide on numbers? How do you track them?” So I wrote a series of posts about all that.

And now, I’ve been at this habit thing for 481 days. That’s just shy of 16 months. My habit practice has become a toddler.

And toddlers need some different approaches than babies do.  I’m starting to feel like my habit practice does too.

I’ve been tracking all my habit goals on this beautiful spreadsheet that I feel oh-so-proud of, but it’s getting a little ridiculous. There are over 20 habits on my spreadsheet now. I can’t see all the columns in one screen. And I’m wondering if I might enjoy taking some of the columns off the spreadsheet…which would mean NOT tracking all my habits.

With toddlers, you don’t need to pay as much attention to minutia.

When I had a newborn with feeding problems, we had to track every feeding and every elimination for two weeks. Once my baby had regained his birth weight and the lactation consultant had reviewed his feeding and elimination records and all was determined to be functioning well enough, we were given the green light to stop tracking these things.

Ideally, the purpose of developing healthy habits would mean that they are an automatic part of one’s routine, like brushing one’s teeth. I don’t have to track “brushing my teeth” to remember to do it every day. It is an automatic part of my day that I do morning and evening, and has been for as long as I can remember.

So, I took a look at my list of habits on my spreadsheet, and marked off the ones I that feel consistent enough that I probably COULD take them off the list and not suffer any loss of consistency. I can say that 9-10 of the behaviors have become more or less automatic. That means 12 or 13 of them I would like to improve on my consistency.

I feel about 95 percent sure that I want to take some of the more consistent habits off the spreadsheet, and I can’t say why. It’s not like tracking takes me a long time. Unlike tracking, say, calories at mealtimes, tracking my habits takes me just 2 minutes in the evening. It’s simply a checklist – at the end of the day I mark off whether I did the habit or not. I just feel like maybe I am outgrowing the need to check off 20 plus columns. The main thing holding me back from taking them off the spreadsheet is that I like feeling like I am giving myself a sticker on a chart, patting myself on the back for a job well done. I like seeing at the end of the day “wow, today I did 14 things that are good for me! Good self care, Bethany!” Maybe I need more excitement in my life.

Toddlers can have regressions.

There are some habits which go well in spurts, but on weeks when I have a lot on my plate, my consistency falters. So, the same logic that applies to new habits also applies to improving consistency with old ones: I am choosing ONE habit to really focus on improving my consistency. If I try to improve consistency on 12 or 13 habits at once (or even 2 or 3), I likely won’t have success with any of them.

Right now, I’m feeling a strong desire to improve my consistency with going to sleep early. Now that I am on CPAP and my body is actually getting the oxygen I need to sleep through the night, I feel like I can basically fly….IF I get to sleep early enough. So, why wouldn’t I want to do that?

Toddlers thrive on routine.

I am learning the value of having set routines and “habit triggers.” Habit triggers are something I see discussed in several habit based groups. It means that you attach your habit to a set item in your routine. For example, instead of saying “I will go to the gym sometime today,” you would say “when I wake up, I put on my gym clothes and do my workout.” Instead of saying “I brush my teeth when I feel like it,” you say “I brush my teeth when I wake up in the morning, and before I go to sleep at night.”

When I started working on my habits journey, I had no concept of how anything would fit into my routine. I said “I am going to do 150 strength workouts this year.” And it took me a lot of trial and error to figure out the best frequency and workout duration and intensity for me.  Kinda like when you have an infant, sleep is all over the place and you get it in when you can, and everything is trial and error to figure out what works and what doesn’t with each particular baby. Now that I have found a groove with what works well for me, I also have found that doing my lifting in the morning usually works best with my routine (more incentive to go to bed early!).

Recently I have read that setting a habit goal without specifying a trigger could actually be creating a habit of planning when to do the thing, instead of a habit of ACTUALLY doing the thing (I am paraphrasing, and I believe the person who wrote this was Sean Flanagan). I can see how planning when to do the thing is better than not creating any habits at all…and I can also see how creating the actual habit itself eliminates the need for planning, which is even better. Excessive planning takes up space in your brain, and takes it away from other things in life.

So, as I revisit some of the behaviors for which I would like to improve consistency, I will be looking at concrete places where I can build them into my routine, and giving them more concrete habit triggers.

Looking around, I see that I already have people in my life who are very good at habits, and they use habit triggers without realizing it. My mother always unloads the dishwasher while she makes her coffee in the morning. My father in law always goes grocery shopping on Tuesday and Friday mornings. He goes to the gym 5 days per week, and when he does, it is always at the same point in his morning routine.

Routines are only recently becoming a part of my life, now that I have a child. For years as an adult, I didn’t have set routines. There were so many changes in my life – moves, job changes, marriage. I always thought routine would feel stifling (I thought my father in law’s routine must be extremely boring!), until I realized my baby needed one, and my toddler needed one even more so. Now, I’m seeing that my habits will all be easier with more routine, and I am actually excited about building more routine into my life. I think everything will feel easier.

So, that’s where I am now, in terms of my habits practice: toddlerhood, minus the screaming and poop.

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Ripple Effects – Helping Friends and Growing Things

/ Bethany

Yesterday was a great day. I felt great physically and mentally. I had gone to bed by 9:30pm for the prior two nights.

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Ready to take on the day!

One thing I feel really great about was that I was able to spend some time helping a friend who had been in a car accident last week. Kiddo and I went grocery shopping for her, and then I folded some laundry when I got to her house while our kids played together. I feel really satisfied and happy that I was able to do this, not only because it helped my friend, but also because in the past, doing this would have wiped me out and taken a lot of “spoons” for me.

Truth: In past years I have accepted a lot of help from family and sometimes from friends, for basic tasks around my house. Everyone says that is normal when you have a baby, and to be grateful for any help offered to you. And I am very grateful. But part of me always felt guilty accepting the help, because I knew that I would likely not be able to offer similar help to others in the same position, because I didn’t have the energy. So I am really glad to be able to offer help to others now.

Afterwards, kiddo and I walked over to the garden to water. No germination yet. Maybe today we will see some lettuce sprouts.

Another thing I feel great about is that my legs were recovered enough from the prior day’s deadlifts to work some olympic weightlifting technique in the morning….and still feel energetic on my feet throughout the day afterwards! Took my kid to gymnastics, did the grocery shopping for our friend, walked to the garden, walked back home uphill with my tired kid in a carrier….and my legs managed all of it without feeling too spent!

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Three New Habit Ideas for Spring

/ Bethany / 1 Comment

We are finally getting some spring weather, and I am finding that is making me feel very motivated! I have some ideas for new habits I would like to add to my list:

  • hang from bars at the playground to build pulling strength (if you are interested in building up to doing a pull up, check out the Facebook group Training With Michele Burmaster and once you are approved, search the hashtag #pullupcrew2016.)
  • run a lap around the block or around the reservoir near my home, because I’d like to build some cardiovascular conditioning
  • Try to get to bed by 9:30pm

I find myself tempted to try these all at once. I have to remind myself about all the statistics that say one habit at a time is most likely to succeed. I just started a new habit to work on this weekend so I should probably wait on these.

When I do feel ready to try one, I’m guessing it will probably be the first one (hanging from bars at the playground). The playground that is next to the garden is full of great bars for hanging.

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Lots of pull-up potential

And I wouldn’t need to buy any special equipment for it, unlike running, for which I’d need to pick up some appropriate shoes and bras. I already own some assistance bands to use if I want them. Also, I wouldn’t have think about things like scheduling it around “leg day.” Hanging from some bars wouldn’t conflict much with what I am already doing.

For now, I may start playing with these items, but not setting official goals or really working on them too hard. I got myself to the garden today, so this habit is off to a good start!

Wondering how I figured out which habits to work on? I wrote a series of posts about my process. You can start here.

Wondering how I track my goals? That’s covered in the third post of the series, and also in this post.

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One Weird Downside of Using A CPAP Machine

/ Bethany

When I started researching CPAP machines, I learned that while they are a highly effective treatment for obstructive sleep apnea, compliance can be pretty low (around 50%). Reasons for non-compliance include discomfort with the mask, inability to fall asleep with the mask on, feeling claustrophobic, and not wanting to wear an unattractive piece of headgear to sleep.

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Twinsies!

Thankfully, I have not had any of those issues beyond the first week, and CPAP therapy is going amazingly well for me.

The downside….is that sometimes it makes me feel a little too invincible. Now that I can stay up late and still be functional and clearheaded during the daytime, it was easy to get a little carried away binge watching Orange is the New Black for a couple weeks. Yes, I know I am late to the party.

So, I stayed up until 11pm a few too many days. And while I am still MUCH more functional than I was before I had the machine, I could tell that I would feel better if I went to sleep earlier. If I can get my workouts in first thing in the morning, I’m much more likely to do them. And I am much more likely to get them in first thing in the morning if I go to bed at 9:30pm instead of 11pm.  I also am less likely to feel “snacky” at night if I go to bed early.

So, while my CPAP may feel like magic, I have to remember not to rely on it to the exclusion of other healthy sleep habits. To feel my best, I still need to practice good habits.

Last night I went to bed around 9:30pm, and had a great day today. I’m thinking of changing my habit goals by shifting the sleep habits a few minutes earlier. Maybe instead of “bed by 10pm,” I’ll change the goal to “bed by 9:45pm.” Or instead of “no TV shows started after 9pm,” I’ll change it to “no TV shows started after 8:30pm.” I’ll give it some thought.

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What They Didn’t Tell Me About Using a CPAP Machine

/ Bethany / 2 Comments

Today marks two months of using my CPAP machine to treat obstructive sleep apnea.

When I got my machine, I read some of the info and tutorials on the website. They listed some of the benefits people might experience:

If you have a good mask seal and have been using your therapy equipment consistently, you should be feeling the benefits. By starting and sticking with therapy for your sleep apnea, you could be on the way to better sleep and better relationships. You may also find you feel more energized, which can help with motivation to start exercising……….

Other benefits of sleep apnea therapy can include reducing morning headaches, forgetfulness, poor concentration and tiredness.

I noticed some differences right away, and continued to see improvements over the next couple months. Here is what they didn’t tell me – how all these improvements would impact my life.

They didn’t tell me how treating my sleep apnea would help my family, too.

You know that feeling you get when you have chores to do, and it is late at night and you are tired, so you tell yourself “fuck it; I’ll leave it for tomorrow / leave it for my spouse?”

Well, I used to feel like that all the time, it turns out. Now that I no longer feel like that all the time, I am noticing just how much I used to feel like that, and didn’t realize it wasn’t normal. I always noticed that other people seemed to be more productive than I was, and I thought I was just inherently lazy or unmotivated.

Now, it turns out that I am feeling like that less than I used to. I’m getting more done, which takes some of the pressure off my husband and makes our house feel more calm.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not perfect. If I stay up binge watching shows on Netflix, I do feel it the next day. But I feel it FAR less severely than I used to.

They didn’t tell me that treating my sleep apnea would improve my focus, stamina and productivity at work.

I’m now able to focus for longer periods of time again. Before I started treatment, I did have poor concentration at work, but I thought it was only because I had a small child at home. Now, I notice more focus, even at the end of the day, and more motivation to cross more items off my to-do list instead of leaving them for the next day. Just like at home, there is less of a sense of “fuck it, I’ll just leave it for tomorrow.”

They didn’t tell me that treating my sleep apnea would make me a better parent.

I have more stamina and mental energy to engage with my kid. I can get through the day without feeling like I need a nap, which is great, because my kid has pretty much dropped his.

I used to need to sit on the couch and rest more often during the day. Now, it is less often. Recently my mom came to visit, and commented on how I did a LOT more in a day than when she used to come visit before.

They didn’t tell me that it would improve my recovery from exercise.

Isn’t it interesting how they say, “you may also find you feel more energized, which can help with motivation to START exercising?” I find it to be an interesting assumption that the typical sleep apnea patient is not yet exercising. It may be true; I’m not sure. In my own case though, I had already been doing movement that I really enjoy….I just didn’t seem to be able to tolerate much intensity or load. It took my muscles a LONG time to recover.

Now, I am still exercising, and my muscles recover a lot more quickly, which leaves me with energy to do other things, too. Now, exercise doesn’t have to push other things out of my life.  I don’t have to choose between exercising and getting everything else done.

They didn’t tell me how different I would look.

I know that looks don’t affect function, but I sure am enjoying when people tell me how rested and refreshed I look.

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Here I am after doing two loads of dishes and some laundry this morning!

Happy two month-iversary to me and Sam, my CPAP machine!

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“If I’m So Health Conscious, Why Do I Feel So Unhealthy?”

/ Bethany / Leave a comment

I’ve been doing a habit-based approach to health for the past 15 months now. 455 days, to be exact. In that time, I’ve introduced 22 new habits, and most of them are easy and fit well into my lifestyle.

Well, shit. That’s a wake-up call. Because I thought I was health-conscious before.

And yet, after 15 months, I finally have some basic habits in place. I mean, I did some of these things before….but not often enough to call them “habits.”

Turns out that being “health-conscious”  is not the same thing as having  healthy habits. (And of course, they are not mutually exclusive….but they are not the same thing.)

[Insert disclaimer: having healthy habits, whatever that means to you, is a personal choice and is not an obligation, a barometer of worthiness, or anyone else’s business. I’m only talking about myself in this post. Also, health is not entirely within our control nor guaranteed.]

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New Habits, and Several Updates!

/ Bethany / Leave a comment

It’s been a few weeks since I’ve posted. (I’ve been more active on my Facebook page, so if you missed me, you can follow me there as well.)

New Habits (Movement and Productivity)

I’ve added some new habits to my routine that I haven’t actually added to my spreadsheet:

  • When I drive somewhere, parking at the far end of the parking lot, as long as the weather is good. This helps me get more movement into my day without having to think about it.
  • On work days, eating my lunch somewhere other than at my desk, whether it is outside, in my car, or even at the conference table – what matters is that I am walking away from my laptop screen. I have been having trouble focusing at work, and that is getting much better with my sleep apnea being treated. However, I also find that if I don’t take an actual break, I have more trouble focusing later in the day. So, I am consciously taking a break at lunch time, so my mind doesn’t force me to take breaks later in the day.
  • I have begun leaving my lunchbox in my car on workdays, instead of bringing it to my desk in the morning. That helps with a few things: 1. It forces me to get up and walk to the car when it is time for lunch, which helps me remember to take the aforementioned break. 2. It prevents mindless eating in the afternoon. When I didn’t take my break away from my desk, my mind would wander, and sometimes I would grab a snack to procrastinate. Now, if I want my food, I actually have to get up and go get it. and 3. It puts a little more movement into my day, even if I don’t have time for formal “exercise” on a workday.
  • Putting my phone away in a drawer while I’m at work. I didn’t realize how easy it was to check the phone to procrastinate when I needed a break. I don’t feel comfortable leaving the phone in the car, in case my son’s babysitter or my coworkers need to reach me. But I turn the volume up so I can hear it if it rings, and tuck it away so I have to consciously take it out if I need it (instead of mindlessly picking it up off my desk).

I didn’t add those habits to my spreadsheet as something to track; I just changed my routine up. Since it feels pretty painless, I don’t feel the need to track them at this time.

Sleep Apnea Treatment Update

Everything has been going really well. The CPAP machine has added at least a decade back onto my life. It has reduced my breathing events by over 99 percent. Some things I have noticed: I am able to focus more clearly at work. I feel more ready to engage with people. I sometimes sleep all the way through the night now. My husband says I no longer snore. Plus all the stuff I listed before.

I am also noticing a huge difference in what I can do at home now. I am doing things that my husband always had to do in the past. I cleaned out our car (voluntarily), and cleaned up after the weekly cooking (voluntarily).  I won’t say I am able to clean up every day, but even being able to do it some days is a huge improvement for me. I feel very pleased that I am able to do more to contribute to our household now.

I finally had my first appointment with a sleep specialist and I am happy to report that I had a positive experience, as a fat person. The only time she mentioned my weight was to ask “how has your weight been,” while she was asking the typical medical history and symptom questions. She did not lecture me. She seemed pleased about my habits. When I asked her if sleep apnea could cause weight gain, she said yes, and explained about leptin, and said that untreated sleep apnea could make weight loss difficult.

And then she looked in my mouth and told me that the size of my tongue was almost certainly the reason for my sleep apnea. So, that was positive! And it means that my suspicion that I have had this for many years and at many different weights is likely correct.

Movement Update

Lifting has been going well. The simplified program I started in January is still working well for me. It fits well into my life and I am making progress, feeling good, and recovering well.

Meal Prep Update

We are still in what feels like a pretty sustainable groove with meal preparation. I did spend more money eating out than I would have liked, last month. But I also had days where I felt tempted to eat take out, and I packed a meal or cooked a meal at home instead. So there is definitely improvement. Patience is my friend.

That’s all I have to report today! More posts in the queue soon….

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February Habit Update (Late, I know!)

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I forgot to post a February habit update. Here’s a quick report on how I am doing with my current habits.  I am sick today so I don’t have the patience to list exact numbers or percentages like I did in January.

Number of days tracking habit goals: 433!

I am either on track or ahead of schedule with the following habits:

  • eat a vegetable with at least two meals. Goal: 150 times by the end of 2016 (goal set on Feb. 7th).
  • Strength workout. Goal: 160 times in 2016.
  • No TV shows started after 9pm. Goal: 250 times in 2016.
  • Date with my husband. Goal: 10 times in 2016.
  • Do some intentional cleaning. Goal: 50 times by the end of 2016. (goal set on Jan. 1)
  • Name something I love or appreciate about myself. Goal: 350 times by the end of 2016. (goal set on Jan. 1)
  • Name something for which I feel grateful. Goal: 350 days in 2016.

That’s seven habits! Pretty darn awesome.

I am slightly behind schedule on these habits, but still making consistent steady progress:

  • Do something myself instead of asking my husband to do it for me. Goal: 150 times by the end of 2016 (goal set on Feb. 7th)
  • Take an intentional walk. Goal: 200 times in 2016.
  • Take Vitamin D. Goal: 355 times in 2015.
  • Eat a green vegetable. Goal: 355 days in 2016.
  • Take Vitamin D. Goal: 355 times in 2015.
  • Finish my food for the day by 8pm. Goal: 225 times in 2016.
  • In bed by 10pm. Goal:250 times in 2016.
  • Say or do something nice for my husband. Goal: 250 times in 2016.
  • Get rid of 500 items from our home in 2016.

That’s 9 habits that are slightly behind schedule, but still making steady progress. It is only the beginning of March, too. That’s the beauty of setting yearly goals –  I know, for example, the walking habit will likely be back on schedule once the weather gets nicer. And I know that some of the habits fell a little behind while I was getting used to falling asleep with the CPAP machine. If I am still behind in a month or two, I will consider resetting the goal numbers to something more realistic for me.

There is one habit that I have not been making good progress on:

  • Deposit at least $10 into my family’s emergency fund: 50 times in 2016.

And that is because I have not set up an easy way to do it, and now that I have to drive my husband everywhere it is more difficult for me to make time to get to the bank. Now, we do have some money direct deposited from my husband’s paycheck, but I would like to be able to do more and hope to get back to this one soon.

There is one habit that my husband has taken over for me:

  • Make a pot of rice and beans: 45 times in 2016.

And I am not arguing, because he is the one who eats it anyway! I don’t like them that much.

And I added two new habits to the list in February, because I realized I was already doing them and wanted to check off more easy columns on my chart:

  • Eat a source of protein with at least 2 meals. Goal: 265 times by the end of 2016. Goal set on Feb. 25th. Making steady progress. Like I said, I added it to my list because I realized I was already doing it, with ease.
  • eat a vegetable with at least two meals. Goal: 150 times by the end of 2016 (goal set on Feb. 7th). Already killing this habit (it’s on the first list too).

That’s it for February and early March!

Wondering how I figured out these habit goals? I wrote a series of posts about my process. You can start here.

Wondering how I track my goals? That’s covered in the third post of the series, and also in this post.

Wondering how I did in 2015, and what effects I’ve noticed? Here’s the report.

Wondering how I did in January 2016? Here’s the report.

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What HAES Actually Says About Weight Loss (as a Result of Healthy Behaviors)

/ Bethany / Leave a comment

Content Heads-up:  This post includes direct quotes about bodyweight and setpoint from Linda Bacon’s book, Health at Every Size. It also discusses how I am viewing some unintentional but not unwelcome weight loss.

Underpants Rule Statement: This post discusses my own thoughts on how to handle weight change talk in my own space, based on the original HAES work. It is not an attempt to tell other people how to handle weight change talk in their spaces.

As I mentioned in a previous post, I have been losing weight as a result of my Intuitive Eating practice. Once I began noticing my satiety signals, and feeling safe enough to trust myself not to restrict food based on them, I started noticing some weight loss. (By the way, Intuitive Eating is not a weight loss method. Weight loss is only one possible outcome out of three.)  Should I or shouldn’t I talk about it on this blog?

When I published that post, most people were supportive, yet a few made a point of letting me know that they thought I was “doing it [HAES] wrong.” Since many online groups that discuss HAES ban weight change talk completely, should I also do so for this blog?

More and more, I am thinking the answer to that is “No.” If weight isn’t a moral issue, why not write about it like I would any other change that is happening?

Here’s the thing: Not even Linda Bacon, the creator of the “Health at Every Size” approach, refrains from talking about weight changes. While she recommends forgetting about weight change as a goal or a as path to health in and of itself, she does not give it Lord Voldemort status of “that which must not be named.” She actually writes extensively about weight regulation and weight change as a result of a HAES approach.

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