One of the reasons I chose habit-based goals instead of outcome based goals is that I wanted to keep myself open to whatever outcomes may come as a result of adopting healthier habits. I did not want to attempt to force certain outcomes on myself, which I ultimately could not control anyway.
One of the really nice outcomes I’ve been experiencing as a result of walking away from weight loss pressure is getting a lot more practice speaking to myself kindly – the way I strive to speak to (and listen to!) my own kiddo. I want to care for my kiddo as best I can, and that includes a sense of a emotional safety. Why would I want to do anything different for myself?
I’ve been having a lot of successes with this lately. I’ve written about some of them here, and here, and here, and here, and here, and here, and here, and here…..Wow, that’s a lot of them! Nice to look back on all the successes!
And I’ve also had some days where I didn’t do as well with this. Sadly, it isn’t realistic to expect a lifetime of negative self-talk to go away completely in a few months. I’ve written about some of those days too ( here, and here) .
I believe that one reason positive self-talk and self-listening feels so unnatural for me (and for most women!), is that we don’t have many female role models who practice these skills. Most women are self-deprecating at least some of the time. I would love to see this change.
In my last post on role models, I wrote about Courtney of Black Feminist Fitness. One of the reasons I love following Courtney’s blog is that she documents her inner monologue about fitness and food, and it has nothing to do with self-deprecation, policing, moralizing, or guilt tripping herself. Every time I see a post of hers with examples of the types of things she says to herself or asks herself, I think “This is amazing! Why didn’t anyone teach me this stuff before? I need to remember this and file it for later! ”
If you could use some role modeling of positive self-talk and self-listening in your life, check out the way she talks to and listens to herself about not finishing a race, about deciding what to pack for lunch during the work week, and in a fitness class for one. Super inspiring.
Yup, we need role models for lots of reasons. Positive self-talk and self-listening is really changing my life, and I need all the modeling I can get!