Author: Bethany

Habit Cultivation for Financial Goals: My Personal Experience

/ Bethany / 3 Comments

Two years ago, in October 2013, I learned about Dave Ramsey and read the information on his website as well as his book, The Total Money Makeover. My husband and I were inspired and blasted through the first two baby steps: saving $1000 in an emergency fund, and paying off all non-mortgage debt using the debt snowball. Doing those things was a huge relief, and we started working on baby step 3: fully funding our emergency fund with 3-6 months expenses.

And our pace slowed down. We had a few times we’ve had to use the emergency fund to cover various costs, and each time, it seemed like our motivation and intensity diminished.

This year, one of the goals I set at the beginning of 2015 was to “save $12,000 in the emergency fund.” I wanted to finish it off and be done with it.

And then we needed to replace our car. Our emergency fund was down to around $1200. So very discouraging. There was no way that we would finish it by the end of the year.

Don’t get me wrong: we were still in a better place than we were when we started. We haven’t put anything on a credit card in two years! But we were stagnant; we weren’t moving forward.

And then I realized that focusing on the end number might be what was killing our motivation –  similar to how focusing on a “goal weight” while dieting can make every day choices and changes seem to not matter. So I thought, “what if, instead of chasing the end goal of a certain number, I focused on cultivating the habit of the ACTION of saving?” So, as I had done with my other goals, I got rid of the goal of the “end number,” and set a goal to make a deposit at least 15 times of at least $10 by the end of the year (this was in September). Surely I could do at least that, right? It wasn’t nearly where we needed to be, but it was more than zero. So, I started by depositing $10.

And you know what? Over the next 6 weeks, it got easier! I’ve been depositing $20 or $30 some weeks! Seeing the balance go up again is encouraging. (And we got a few hundred for the car we would have junked, so that helped too).

It was definitely an epiphany that I could apply the same habit cultivation methods to savings habits that I was using with training and sleeping and eating habits. I am excited to see if this helps us get over the low motivation hump with this goal.  We’ve tried other money management methods before with similar results: high motivation in the beginning, and lower motivation later. I’m thinking that perhaps they all failed for us thus far because they required a complete overhaul of our habits overnight. Maybe if we had taken the time to develop one habit at a time, we might have had more sustainable success. Hey, just like health habits! Whoa!

Got any saving tips? I’d love to hear about them!

Seasonal Challenges: Motivation and Sleep

/ Bethany / 2 Comments

It’s almost the end of October and fall is pretty solidly here. It’s my favorite season. I love everything about New England fall. The colors, the outfits, the leaves, the weather, the hot drinks, the squash and apples, the holidays.

I wrote a post this summer and talked about how establishing my walking habit in the summer took more effort to get going…until I realized how  my dislike of walking in bright sun on hot days was A Major Factor That Was Stopping Me. This time of year, I have NO trouble with walking often. Walking on trails in New England in the fall is pure heaven. I wish I could live in a place with perpetual fall.

As much as I love fall though, I’ve noticed that changing seasons can bring new challenges as far as sticking with my healthy habits. This is not necessarily a bad thing; it just requires some flexibility and openness to changing up my routine a bit.

First, since I lift on my porch most of the time, I’ve changed the time of day that I train. I’m lucky enough to have that option, since I am home with kiddo two days per week, and that’s when I lift (plus the weekend).  Now that the mornings are colder, I’ve started lifting in the afternoons more often after the temperature has warmed up. Kiddo usually plays outside while I do that.

However, afternoon workouts bring their own “challenges,” mostly of the motivational ilk. I’m noticing that motivation levels are NOT the same in the morning vs. the afternoon! I can definitely see why many people prefer to work out in the morning. After running around with a 3 year old for most of the day, I usually don’t feel like doing anything other than lying on the couch.

One of the things that gets me up off the couch anyway is the fact that I have a training schedule that my coach writes for me. I get a little antsy knowing that if I skip a day, it will throw the schedule off. So, it’s less a question of “am I going to lift today?” and more of a question of “how long until I get up off the couch and lift today?” That helps. If I didn’t have a program and was just doing whatever I felt like, maybe it would be easier to skip.

Once I am up off the couch and out on the porch gym, I find music helps. For morning workouts I preferred silence, but for the afternoons when motivation and energy are low, music helps me with both those things.

The other big challenge I am noticing with sticking with my habit goals this fall, is that fall TV shows are back on. Between that, and the fact that I’ve let myself get sucked into binge watching episodes of my favorite TV show that is no longer on, my Hulu Plus account is getting a lot of play. At night after kiddo is asleep.

My habit goal of going to sleep before 10pm is suffering hard, after I was doing great with it for months. My TV watching at night is interfering with my energy levels and my mood. I’m a lot more tired and impatient and it doesn’t feel good.

One question I have in my mind is “I don’t skip sleep to work out, because sleep is important to me and my health. So, why am I skipping sleep to watch TV?” I’m thinking about adding another habit goal to the list to help me with this….something like “watch one TV show or less most nights.” I’ll be back with more details about that once I figure it out.

If you’ve made it this far, thanks for reading! If you have any tips for sticking to healthy habits when motivation is lower, or for getting to bed when you’d rather watch TV, I’d love to hear them!

 

Popping In and Saying “Hey!”

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It’s been a couple weeks since I have posted. Just wanted to pop in and say “I’m still here!” I’ve been getting over a cold and had some low energy levels for a while, so posting has taken a back seat. (Okay, okay, I will be honest. Fall TV shows are playing a time-sucking role as well. There. Glad I got that off my chest.)

As far as how everything is going, habit-wise: great! I’m really pleased. While this blog may have taken a back seat for a few weeks, the habits I am working on have not. I keep thinking that there is not much to report, because once habits are solidified, it’s just routine stuff. Whoever said that “slow, consistent habit change is not sexy” was right.

I have a couple new habits in mind that I want to add to my list, and something is telling me to wait a bit and give the present habits more time. More on this later!

Hope everyone is doing well. I’ll be back with more deep thoughts soon ;D.

Tired Week Musings on Rest, Minimalism, and Contentment

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It’s been a couple weeks since I’ve posted. I had some arm pain last week so I needed to minimize typing. And once it felt better, I just felt….tired. So posting fell low on the list of priorities.

As for the low energy, there were a few different factors at play. It was time for a deload week with the barbell, so it was natural that I needed some time to recuperate. I’ve also been fighting a cough for the past month. However, last weekend when I looked at my habit tracking spreadsheet, I noticed that I hadn’t been checking off the “in bed by 10pm column” as often. Well, that was a good reminder of why I chose that habit. For the past few days I’ve been making a conscious effort to go to bed instead of watching TV at night. And boy do I need it – even with the extra sleep, I still feel tired. I have some catching up to do, clearly.

Lately I’ve been enjoying the benefits of minimalism in my life. I’ve been working towards a decluttering goal this year and my husband and I have gotten rid of more than double the amount of things I aimed to get rid of…..and we are still going! I’m starting to appreciate the benefits at this point. Such as – I actually enjoy spending time at home now, whereas I used to feel overwhelmed and stressed out and needed to get out a lot. Which left things undone at home. Which left me more stressed out. Which meant my rest time wasn’t as restful as it could have been.

But today, I am grateful that I have been working towards a restful space, and I have achieved that (even though there is more I can do, I am happy with the progress we have made!). When I woke up this morning, I could feel that I needed a restful day. Thankfully, today is one of my days off from work. So I slowly got ready to go out on the porch and lift.  I read the weather on my phone, got dressed slowly, ate breakfast and took care of my kid’s shit (literally and figuratively). After breakfast (almost 2 hours later!) we headed out to the porch gym, which, today, was also a pet shop. Or a ticket counter. Or maybe both. I’m not sure.  Since it was a bit rainy and I was needing extra rest, I did not schedule any trail walking into my day.

Later, a friend I hadn’t spoken with in a long time sent me a message asking how I was doing. I caught myself about to answer “we are having a lazy day.” And I realized that sounded so negative, when in fact, I was doing a positive thing by honoring my need for rest. So instead, I said “we are having a restful day.” That felt great, and not at all self-deprecating. I think I will try substituting “restful” for “lazy” in my language, when applicable (which is probably almost always)”.

In addition to “tired,” I have also been experiencing a sense of contentment lately. I like this quote by Joshua Becker:

Minimalism is the intentional promotion of the things we most value and the removal of everything that distracts us from it.

Recently (definitely within the past year), I have found myself thinking self-pitying thoughts, especially about finances and lifestyle things that we can’t afford right now, such as a home with a bigger yard, and traveling to visit friends and family more. But my daily “name something for which I feel grateful” habit seems to be changing my mindset, and this morning I was feeling grateful for simplicity. Sure, I could work more, and I would have more money. I am a person who really needs a lot of downtime and time alone with my own thoughts though. And today, I am grateful that my lifestyle (and my husband!) is allowing me some of that time, several times per week. Especially since I have a child. I’m feeling happy with the way things are, right now.

Thanks for reading!

 

For Crying Out Loud: How I Woke Up From Natural Parenting Dogma About Crying

/ Bethany / 8 Comments

When I started this blog, I didn’t envision parenting being a primary topic. The description at the top of the page says “habit cultivation, body positivity, olympic style weightlifting, seasonal vegetable cooking, and an occasional side of parenting.” If the last couple months have been indicative, I should probably switch the last two topics. The description should read “an occasional side of vegetable cooking.”

Yesterday I read a post by Everyday Battles, and it struck a chord with me. I could relate to a lot of what she wrote.

I spent my entire pregnancy surrounding myself with empowering messages, images, resources, etc. I believed I was fit, strong, healthy, level headed, supported, etc. I was the “perfect candidate” for pregnancy, labor, delivery, mindset and motherhood. It was natural! Why should I be concerned? I’ll bounce back because of how healthy and educated I am about this process. This woman did it! That woman looks amazing! My head was filled with powerful affirmations and expectations. I was confident to a fault.

Well, fuck me. That mentality failed me big time…

I, too, spent my entire pregnancy surrounding myself with empowering messages, images, resources, etc. I, too, believed I was fit, strong, healthy, level headed, supported, etc. I, too, was the “perfect candidate” for pregnancy, labor, delivery, mindset and motherhood. My head, too, was filled with powerful affirmations and expectations. I, too, was confident to a fault. And like Brianna writes, that mentality failed me too, big time.

When faced with a very long, drawn out, prodromal labor, I was not unprepared for my mounting levels of fear and exhaustion. My birth was very different from the way I had envisioned it. The first few weeks of my son’s life were the darkest weeks of mine. I have never in my life doubted myself as much as I did then.

But birth expectations were not the only way in which I feel the natural parenting community fails parents and kids.

During my pregnancy, I was also immersing myself in beliefs that were not helpful to me at all about crying babies.

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Uncharted Waters: Food Seems to Have Lost Its Power

/ Bethany / 1 Comment

When I started working on my habit goals nine months ago, I knew I wanted to be open to whatever outcomes may come, without trying to dictate and manipulate the results. After a lifetime of chasing outcome goals, I was sick of it and ready to give up control in that area.

Over the past nine months, I have noticed a lot of great outcomes, both physical and mental. I am now starting the tenth month, and one of the outcomes I have noticed recently is that the role food plays in my life is changing. This post will include some observations about my relationship with food in different points in my life, and now. Please keep in mind that in describing this, I am not holding any judgment towards myself or anyone else who happens to identify with these statements. Just describing my experiences at different points in my life.

As a child, I loved food, but it was also a source of guilt. I did not find my family meals relaxing. During meals, my parents sometimes argued, and there was often food policing of my brothers and my meals or portions. I grew to enjoy eating alone.

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Changing Weather, Changing Options, Changing Strategies

/ Bethany / 4 Comments

This will be another boring post, unless you enjoy reading my inner monologue about what goes into developing and maintaining certain habits.

In a previous post, I wrote about how we can have some developmental stumbles while forming new habits.  Today, I’m realizing that seasonal changes can pose new obstacles too. I’ve written quite a bit about the process of developing a walking habit again.  Last month, I wrote about some of the specific things I needed to do in order to make this a habit (and when I say *I*, I mean “me, personally.” Other people may have different needs and circumstances to address).

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CSA Veggie Log – Late September

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It’s been a long time since I posted a “how I used my CSA veggies” post. I did not cook very much in August and September.  I didn’t force myself to do it. Somehow we all ate :D.  I did make a green smoothie almost every day. My husband usually made a stir fry at least once a week, with ground beef and a few different veggies. I don’t remember anything else. I guess summer was a blur. Last week, we did some more cooking.

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Insomniac Weekend Update: Walking Slowly and Taking Breaks

/ Bethany / 1 Comment

I have had trouble sleeping this past week, and tonight is no exception. Since my body doesn’t seem to want to sleep, I am taking a break from sleeping to check in.

I’m feeling better than I did last week, but I still have some anxiety going on. Sometimes when I wake up in the middle of the night I process feelings and have trouble going back to sleep.

Despite difficult feelings, I’ve had a pretty easy time sticking with my habit goals. I love the fall weather, which is making it easy and enjoyable for me to get walking in. I’ve taken 2 trail walks with kiddo this week, and today I walked to the grocery store with kiddo (30+ pounds) on my back, and then pushed the stroller full of groceries and kiddo home (probably 70-90 lbs total).

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Just Hanging Out, Glorifying Obesity

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“It doesn’t matter if it’s perpetuated by people because it’s their goal to create a fat phobic society, or if it’s their sincerely held personal belief that fat people should never be (or see any fat person be) anything but miserable and desperate to be thin – because if we’re not constantly full of state-sanctioned, community perpetuated self-loathing, we’ll never look “right” or be “healthy” (depending on whether or not they are trying to make some bullshit “it’s for your health” justification.

It doesn’t matter which, because the only outcome of such a culture is that fat people aren’t allowed to do anything with our lives except try to lose weight, and that’s unacceptable. Not just because almost nobody loses weight long term, but because people shouldn’t be required to look a certain way or have a certain level of health as a prerequisite to live their lives and pursue their dreams.”

Ragen Chastain's avatarDances With Fat

Photo by Doug Spearman Photo by Doug Spearman

In that super questionable video I posted about, one of the “I’m fat but” statements was “I’m fat but I’m not glorifying obesity.”  No shit.  Because “glorifying obesity” is not really a thing.  Fat people being happy, doing stuff, living our lives, achieving things, being in the spotlight etc. are just being happy, doing stuff, living our lives, achieving things, and being in the spotlight.

I’ve been accused of “glorifying obesity” many times. Oddly, I am also short with curly hair and yet I have never been accused of glorifying shortness, or glorifying refusal to straighten my hair. That’s because this is about fat-phobia.  It doesn’t matter if it’s perpetuated by people because it’s their goal to create a fat phobic society, or if it’s their sincerely held personal belief that fat people should never be (or see any fat person be) anything but miserable and desperate to…

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