This weekend I am feeling a lot of difficult emotions about something that happened in my personal life. This post is about how my habits are going, while I feel sad, angry, and/or hurt in any given moment.
Right now, I still feel able to continue with my habits. My schedule and activities feel like a normal weekend; it’s just that my emotions feel sad, heavy, slow, angry, anxious, and painful (not all at the same time; it tends to cycle through).
On Saturday I went to barbell club as planned. I felt okay before that but when I was there I felt on the verge of crying between sets. I told myself I could cry afterwards, though I found the urge had passed. My lifting has been improving lately. My coach gave me a new training program a few weeks ago and it is going well. Backing off on the weight is giving my body a chance to recover enough to really focus on technique and speed. I was pleased with my lifting but I was glad when it was over, because of the way I was feeling.
I’m noticing that when I feel particularly sad, my appetite is low. And so far, I haven’t felt the urge to binge eat. I know the stereotype is when women feel sad, they polish off a pint of ice cream. I haven’t had the urge to do that….yet. (And I’m not saying that I think that is a bad choice. If I was feeling the urge, I would allow myself to do so!). Looking back on this year, I can only recall one time when I’ve “stress eaten.” My theory on why is this: when you stop restricting certain foods 24/7/365, you are no longer expending energy and willpower avoiding them. So when you feel sad, it’s not like you have to divert energy from willpower to processing feelings. I have eaten pizza and chocolate this weekend. But without forcing it and while listening to my hunger levels/food enjoyment levels, have eaten those foods in amounts that are likely within my energy needs. So, I don’t consider it stress eating.
I’ve been taking walks, and they are slow and short, since I’m feeling a greater need for rest. I’ve also made my first deposit into the emergency fund on Friday. Other habits are moving along fine too. Nothing noteworthy.
I’m finding that individual habits are a lot easier to stick to when sad than whatever it was that I used to do in the past. I’m feeling grateful for that.
Hoping for a better week!